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Portalocity Headquarters [Always Dinner When They Call You, Monday Fandom Time]
It was getting worse. Tech support was no longer answering their phones and entire swaths of the multiverse had blinked out without a trace, almost like they'd never existed at all. And while the Portalocity gnome, personally, would not miss any version of the Dark Ages (there wasn't much travel in and out of there anyway), he knew enough about history to know that universes unraveling was Bad.
He waddled down to public relations. "We're going to need another statement."
Greetings, valued customers!
We here at Portalocity™ would like to express our apologies for the extended technical difficulties you may be experiencing. Until further notice, we regret to inform you that travel to and from certain patches of time and space (especially Universes 12456-134578, much of the Jurassic Era, and any timeline where the Nazis won World War II) have become almost impossible to contact, and we will no longer be offering insurance for those customers who continue to book to those areas.
Our technicians are working overtime to rectify this unfortunate situation, and we remain confident that it will be sorted out in a matter of days. As always, we value our customers' support and understanding!
As further apology, we would like to offer this free virtual gift for you to send to your friends and fellow Portalocity™ customers. They can proudly display it on their blogs, Facebooks, MySpaces and Deadjournals, or print it out and stick it to their battle helmets to remind all who cross their paths that when it comes to inter-universe travel, it's best to Roam With a Gnome™!
Some restrictions may apply to package deals and all bookings you make, such as five or more layovers, multiple days spent in airports/train stations/unwashed latrines/being chased by easily frightened villagers/disappearing without a trace, etc. Bookings made less than 14 days in advance are non-refundable. Portalocity™ does not accept live animals or human sacrifices as a form of payment for any trip. Local taxes may apply. Offers void in the Dark Ages and portions of Pittsburgh.
Please add deals@portalocity.com to your address book or safe sender list so our emails get to your inbox. This message was sent by Portalocity ™, Mushroom By The Glade, None of Your Business, Sometime.
Please follow us at Portalocity on Twitter and on Facebook!
You are receiving this email because you have an existing relationship with Portalocity. If you no longer wish to receive marketing communications, you can unsubscribe.
The v-gift, the gnome knew from experience, would slow their servers to a crawl, but it might also slow down the bookings of holiday passages and thus the dreaded next step for a crisis of this magnitude: offering refunds.
Shudder.
"Send it," he commanded. "And get tech support some more antacid."
He waddled down to public relations. "We're going to need another statement."
Greetings, valued customers!
We here at Portalocity™ would like to express our apologies for the extended technical difficulties you may be experiencing. Until further notice, we regret to inform you that travel to and from certain patches of time and space (especially Universes 12456-134578, much of the Jurassic Era, and any timeline where the Nazis won World War II) have become almost impossible to contact, and we will no longer be offering insurance for those customers who continue to book to those areas.
Our technicians are working overtime to rectify this unfortunate situation, and we remain confident that it will be sorted out in a matter of days. As always, we value our customers' support and understanding!
As further apology, we would like to offer this free virtual gift for you to send to your friends and fellow Portalocity™ customers. They can proudly display it on their blogs, Facebooks, MySpaces and Deadjournals, or print it out and stick it to their battle helmets to remind all who cross their paths that when it comes to inter-universe travel, it's best to Roam With a Gnome™!
Some restrictions may apply to package deals and all bookings you make, such as five or more layovers, multiple days spent in airports/train stations/unwashed latrines/being chased by easily frightened villagers/disappearing without a trace, etc. Bookings made less than 14 days in advance are non-refundable. Portalocity™ does not accept live animals or human sacrifices as a form of payment for any trip. Local taxes may apply. Offers void in the Dark Ages and portions of Pittsburgh.
Please add deals@portalocity.com to your address book or safe sender list so our emails get to your inbox. This message was sent by Portalocity ™, Mushroom By The Glade, None of Your Business, Sometime.
Please follow us at Portalocity on Twitter and on Facebook!
You are receiving this email because you have an existing relationship with Portalocity. If you no longer wish to receive marketing communications, you can unsubscribe.
The v-gift, the gnome knew from experience, would slow their servers to a crawl, but it might also slow down the bookings of holiday passages and thus the dreaded next step for a crisis of this magnitude: offering refunds.
Shudder.
"Send it," he commanded. "And get tech support some more antacid."